Firstly - I should definitley give up smoking, McDonalds and midnight snacks of salami sandwiches as me and my best friend have joined a gym and are trying to be healthy - not in the right spirit somehow.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !
I actually just had the same reaction reading that as my best friend's boyfriend did when I told him. Except for that he laughed so hard he snorted and hit his head on the wall; and I did not.
Also... don't walk into the front garden of the gym you are about to join with Maccas in one hand and a half-smoked cigarette in the other. Just sets a bad precedent.
But I digress...
Secondly - I should never let the aforementioned best friend anywhere in the near vacinity of my phone again. Even if I am being attacked by her ferocious attack budgie. Because even a vicious pecking is less painful than the embarrassment when she sends messages like 'I WANT YOU NOW' to who she thought was your current lover - but actually turns out to be a family member. I would rather, in fact, be attacked by several birds than suffer this fate - even though birds are my number 3 fear beneath Heights and Feet.
Thirdly and finally - wash out blonde toner fully. Instead of the promised 'rid-your-hair-of-yellow-and-gold-tones' effect it was supposed to have, I now resemble a passionfruit. Good on you yellow and purple hair, it has always been my dream and lifes ambition to resemble a tropical fruit.
NOT EVEN FISH ARE THIS RIDICULOUSLY COLOURED!
OR BUDGIES!
I'm pretty sure they didn't even make a POKEMON with this combination of hues!!! I think I will from now on only leave my house with a headscarf wrapped tightly over my abominable excuse for hair.
If I only I had money to get a proper shop job on it, but that would mean exposing myself to definite humiliation in front of both patrons and hairdressers. And scaring any children in the salon.
Because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't go back to a hairdressing place if the result going was running after my child as they ran into traffic in a blind and panicked frenzy screaming, "MUM THE GIANT PASSIONFRUIT ON LEGS IS GOING TO EAT MY SOUL!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Goodnight my little bloglets, sleep well. And if you see someone resembling a large fruit walking around the town, just act casual :)
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