'Cos I love su-u-ummer day-ays....

To those of you who aren't from the land of a big red rock called Uluru and the Sydney harbour bridge (and if you don't know what those are don't bother Googling them because they are just big things that we have in my country and aren't really that cool anyway); you may not have heard of Australian Hip-Hop. But just because you haven't, doesn't mean you shouldn't.

Note : I do not condone, appreciate or partake in any drug taking (other than nicotine and alcohol) - buuuuuut every stoner loves Aussie Hip-Hop. It's fucking funny as all hell whilst sober, and I've been told the funni-ness level increases the higher you get. Go figure.


Anyway .... moving on. Todays adventures anyone?

After waking up at the bright and early hour of 10am, getting ready and freaking out because it was 11:30 and I had work in an hour and I had to get to the city; somehow find a parking space, and make it to my first shift at the CBD store (scaaaaaaaaary) in less than that time. All without fucking up my hair, makeup or clothes.

When I got to work and parked in a frenzy, and then went down the billion escalators it took me to get to the top floor (where I work); I realised it was actually 10:30. The public school system = fail. Especially when it comes to teaching college kids how to read the time.

So I spent two hours smoking, eating MacDonalds and watching the clouds roll on by. I then made my way to the store, and was a bit taken aback by the amount of police officers in the area. And as I got closer I realised they were packed so tightly into the shop that they couldn't help spilling onto the corridor (okay, I might be exaggerating a little, but there were a good 5 or 6 coppers there; and it's not a big shop).

I entered to be greeted by a frazzled, yet still very friendly manager (K), who was the one that originally hired me; and our regional manager - who I shall from now on refer to as Eyebrow Piercing Dude (EPD). They both looked a little stressed, but not in too bad of spirits (on EPD's part this was probably because a couple of the officers wore their uniforms especially well ;) ). I didn't ask what had happened - but they told me anyway.

Don't you just love that about all fabulous gay men; they can't keep their fucking mouths shut when it comes to gossip and giving opinions on absolutely everything girl related. Except for vaginas. They usually just vomit copiously into the nearest vessel (or floor tile), when these parts of the anatomy are mentioned. Anyway...

Turns out, every single one of the CBD staff except me and K had gotten fired for shoplifting. Quite a tidy little venture, had they not been caught. Those girls surely moved over 3 grand of stock off the premises pretty quickly for (mostly) knocked-up dirty bitches. And that's me being polite.

Another note : I have very little respect for those who shoplift. And absolutley none at all for those who shoplift when the need isn't 100% desperate. And by desperate I mean 'my-family-will-starve-if-I-don't-steal-this-potato'; not 'I-am-so-bored-and-pregnancy-hormones-are-fucking-with-my-already-unsteady-mind-sooooooo-let's-steal-stuff'.

So the short and short of it is that I'm working almost every day for the rest of my summer holidays. Which is good because I get paid, but bad because I will go back to school
a) more tired than ever
and b) more pale than ever; as working indoors gets in the way of my tanning schedule in a major way

Also, this week I will be expected (after no more than 7 shifts at this new job, give or take) to singlehandedly run the store, open, close and do banking. By myself. Alone. All day.

Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeck!

<< A very accurate depiction of my place of employment

In other news.

As I was driving some friends to go clubbing (lucky bitches have ID's); we pulled up next to a car who drove next to us almost all the way to the city. 15 minutes into this little race (at the speed limit, of course); I realised the messages I was getting weren't from IBYFCB (who had come and visited me at work that day and not stopped messaging me since), Lover, or Paintball Dude. They were from Uteboy.

Uteboy is a 20 year old, and a fairly sad excuse for one at that. He was a lift-bitch (one whom I scabbed car rides home/to school with), as his work was close to my school, and he drove me around unpaid (and I mean... completely unpaid, if you catch my drift) for almost a year. And this includes times when I would ignore him for weeks at a time, and then message him and expect him to pick me up half an hour later because it was raining and I couldn't be fucked to catch the bus in the wet. I am totally lazy and a bitch, and I'm okay with it. Sort of.
But only because I only take advantage of penis carriers with not much humor or intellect also dwelling in the same body. And because God gave me boobies for a reason (if not just to get what you want, then what else? And don't say to feed children - because Udders would be way more effective for that and he gave us boobs instead).

And as it turns out, he was driving to the city in the car next to us, messaging me as we went along. He then later on proposed that I 'come out to the club' (he knows I'm not 18, way to rub it in); that I should come and give him 'a kiss', and that I should meet him in 'the carpark'. So... clearly a year has taught this boy nothing. If anything he should have learned that I will NEVER get with him (not that he's ugly, he's cute; just not in a bangable way), especially if it has nothing for me in it.  Boys with this little intellect seriously shouldn't be allowed out in public.

But that's just my opinion.

Seeing as Lover has been seriously sick for the past couple of days and snogging-fest-2011 has been postponed, I have been seeking out Paintball Dude. Or rather, replying in a nice fashion to his texts and messages.

It must be stated that I am showing attention ONLY so that I can go see a free movie, and have free coffee and a laugh. I'll leave all shagging and snogging up to Lover (once he's no harbouring longer an illness waiting to jump into my nasal cavity). Just in case you thought I was going soft and not being a cold, hard bitch.

So, out of boredom and lonliness (and spite that I'm the ONLY ONE OUT OF EVERYONE EVER INVENTED that doesn't have an ID or 18 years under my belt), I decided I would take the poor guy up on his most recent offer. and meet up with Paintball Dude.

This was regardless of the fact that I knew perfectly well that I was supposed to see him on Friday and Saturday night and go on two seperate dates within those two days; and that whenever he talks for more than 30 seconds uninterrupted my brain totally shuts down and I am unable to do anything more than smile and nod occassionally.

I'm sure he's a really funny guy. I just can't be bothered listening.

So me and Paintball Dude chilled for a couple of hours (til 12:30... ooooooops), doing nothing but smoking (me, mainly) and talking (him, mainly). And then he went home, an hour and a half later than he'd told his totally strict Croatian father he was on his way home. I'm sure that wen't down REEEALLY well... hehe ;).

So I probably will be dateless due to PD's probable groundedness for the next couple of nights (seriously who grounds their almost 19 year old son these days?!), but it does mean I'll have more time to blog. Not that anyone reads this drivel anyway
:)




Love from the Cold Hard Bitch (who really is just warm Milo on the inside, with extra marshmallows).
Be good... but if you're too good, you get a spanking anyway. Because that's just way more fun than a choccy biccy and warm milk.